I was late to my Russian final.
I could have sworn that it was at 11:00 - not 10:30. Oh well, the professor just smiled and handed me my test with a "better late than never". Russian was really the only subject I studied over the weekend, thank the Lord I did too because that test was hard.
Like - really hard.
And this leads me to an important realization about my new life here at SPU and just in general. If the Russian exam was hard, and I'm certain that I will probably finish this quarter with a B....and add that to my B from chem: I'm certainly not going to be the straight A student I expected to be this fall.
This is hard for me to take. Obviously I pride myself in my school and academic capabilities, so when I don't do as well as I expected, it's hard for me not to take it personally. Am I learning a lot? Hell yeah I am. I've learned that at SPU there is no room for complacency and essentially that is where I went astray at the beginning of the quarter. At Blinn I could be complacent with my work, in my studying and still come out light years ahead of the rest of gang. Here - not so much.
Unfortunately I can't quit. This is the only the first quarter and from here on out it will only get harder, so any changes that I need to make in order to get better I have to make now. I don't think I've ever been tested this hard before, this is easily more difficult than basic training in that I don't get breaks and there is no "end" in sight in a few weeks. This next quarter I'm going to have to be on top of everything - ask questions to things I don't understand, read the chapters even if they put me to sleep, really just LIVE to study, even more than I'm doing now. That's what it's going to have to take to do well on the level that I want to be at. I feel like I've put in more effort this last month than I ever had, and I have seen results - but it came a little too late.
I mean yeah, I am studying two difficult subjects- the sciences and russian. If this was history I would be good as gold (in fact in my art history class I've made nothing BUT A's) but if I really, truly, honestly want to be a doctor - I'm going to have to dig deeper than I thought I was going to have to. It really does take a lot of work. It takes a lot of commitment. It takes a lot of time. It's going to take a bigger sacrifice than I thought it would. I know that it will be worth it - in time. I just gotta keep my head up and take my set backs as opportunities to improve. But most importantly I have to turn thoughts into actions.
Wow - I'm in for quite a ride. This is gonna ssuuuuuuuuuck lol.
Well said. Nothing to add really accept that you have been given the gifts it takes to achieve these things and the rewards of your achievements are not meant for you alone. What you stand to gain will be a gift to offer to others. I can't begin to imagine how rewarding that could be. Proud of you each and every day. And yes Kyle, that goes for you too!
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you realize what you need to do puts you light years ahead of many people. Yes your road will be hard but in some ways it will become easier too. You'll get adjusted to the effort required and it will just seem normal after a while, plus you will get deeper into your major and everything will begin to fit together! You're doing great, many students face this wake up call after their first semester. So hike up those big girl panties and drive on, you can do it!!!!
ReplyDeleteHeh, you could of taken History, the easier path, but I know that's not what you wanted. I can relate because I could of been an IT (Work on computers) in the navy and made rank faster, learned something I already knew really well, and had an easy, cushy, air conditioned job. But that wouldn't get me any closer to my dreams of being a pilot like history wouldn't of gotten you any closer to being a Doctor. I'm always proud of you sister, and know that you will excel because you're awesome like that.
ReplyDeleteI even got a quote for you, dunno who said it, but: "When I'm sad I decide to be awesome and then I'm awesome." Now just replace 'sad' with 'Rachel'.
I think that was from that guy on How I met your Mother, who used to be Duggie Houser!
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